Half Out of The Almari

By Ken Powell | April 27, 2015

The tide of popular opinion has changed in Britain over the last twenty or thirty years about the predominantly white mainstream gay community. The change in attitudes is subtly inferred in the film ‘Billy Elliot’. Set in 1980s Britain at the height of the miner’s strikes, Billy’s friend, Michael, is secretly gay and a cross-dresser. At the end of the film we are sent 15 years into the future and see an adult Michael, openly cross-dressing, in the audience awaiting Billy’s performance on the stage. By the end of the twentieth century British society had certainly come to terms with the GLBT (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender) community.

But 15 years on from where ‘Billy Elliot’ left off, there is a subset of the British GLBT community for which life is much more complex and far from open — the Asian gay community.

Drag QueenWhile their white counterparts have been openly ‘coming out of the closet’ since at least the late nineties, British Asian gays (of Pakistani, Bangladeshi or Indian origin) are often still reluctant to put more than a leg out of the almari, so to speak. Who can blame them? The British paper, The Sunday Times, found that in a poll taken last year in Pakistan only 2% of the population believed homosexuality should be accepted by Pakistani society. In India after four years of the end to the “gay law” (Section 377) in 2009 the law was reinstated in 2013 leaving many Indians who had come out publicly somewhat at risk. In Bangladesh in 2013 two young lesbian lovers, one Hindu, one Muslim, were arrested for marrying and faced up to life imprisonment.

But even in Britain — with liberal views and the right to a private life now protected by law — the situation isn’t much better. A Gallup poll in 2009 foun that out of 500 British Muslims interviewed none believed homosexuality was “morally acceptable.” A similar poll in France found about a third of its Muslim population had no problem with homosexuality. Clearly British Asians have attittudes closer to their relatives in South Asia than their white counterparts in Britain. It’s fair to say that Asian culture in Britain isn’t really ready for those who choose to “come out.”

So how does the British Asian GLBT community deal with the seemingly impossible task of straddling two cultures? Is there little choice but to keep gay relationships secret from relatives or is it safe to step out and be proud of being gay?

Dr Rusi Jaspal, a psychologist at DeMontfort University, Leicester, has extensively researched the psychological effects of being gay and British Asian. Dr Jaspal found that for many British Muslim Gay Men (BMGM) “coming out” threatened the loss of honor because the terminology used for gay people was derogatory and traditional Islamic interpretation of the Qur’an condemns homosexuality. Furthermore, fear of shaming their families and communities leads to fear of physical violence for some BMGM and even the belief they might be murdered in an “honor killing.”

However, Dr Jaspal also found that the fear of being accidentally found out leads some BMGM to “come out” before that can happen. Some BMGMs feel it is better to face the dangers head on, risk rejection from their communities and form their own new identities on their own terms as gay men. In most cases though, he found that BMGM who “came out” had established close relationships with white gay men and were frequenting gay-affirming social contexts such as gay bars. Not all gay Asians have such opportunties or, indeed, even want them.

Fear of marriage is another key concern which Dr Jaspal believes affects the behaviour of British Asian GLBTs. Keeping sexual orientation secret is psychologically damaging, he asserts, and the expectation of heterosexual marriage which is so important in Asian culture, makes it impossible to initiate discussion of sexuality. For gays, even the bringing up of the subject by family can feel like coercion and cause great stress.

Khakan Qureshi is founder of Birmingham South Asians LGBT — Finding a Voice and he deals with the results of such stress every day.

“I am working with Pakistani Muslim men who are still being persecuted, fleeing from homes or are being abused or intimidated by parents, family members and even the extended family,” he says. “There are many who still wish to remain silent or continue to have sex with men, but do not wish to identify as gay, bi sexual or bi-curious. Those who I have spoken to say that they have experienced severe anxiety and depression, attempted suicide, considered marrying a woman to ‘save face’ and family honour or refused to ‘come out’ to family even though they may have a partner who they introduce as a ‘close friend’.”

Khakan believes that religion is another major form of psychological distress. His group has members who are Sikhs, Muslims, Atheists and Agnostics and so matters of religion are discussed a great deal.

“The key issues faced by gay Asians — and Gay Muslims in particular — appears to be a lack of understanding of cultures, lack of awareness with questions asked such as ‘How can you be Muslim and gay?’, the feelings of religious guilt, that the desires are ‘haram’ (forbidden), and dual discrimination of Islamophobia and Homophobia.”

There are fewer issues for Hindus and Sikhs, it would appear. The UK Hindu Council officially declared in 2009 that Hinduism doesn’t oppose homosexuality and, according to Dr Jaspal, British Sikhs see their faith in ethno-cultural terms rather than religious identity. Furthermore, while 74% of British Muslims see religion as “very important” only 46% of Sikhs and 435 of Hindus feel the same.

Nevertheless, homosexual identity can be an issue for all British Asians with family in India because of the reinstatement of Section 377 in 2013. This infamous law, rooted in British rule, which made homosexuality illegal, was repealed in 2009. But the reversal of this repeal has left India’s gay community in limbo and worries many British Asians.

Dr Abhi Shetty is a consultant psychiatrist and Hindu born in Bangalore. He moved to the UK 10 years ago. He was encouraged when Section 377 was repealed and dismayed when it returned.

“During those three years we saw some amazing discussion in a public media which was very sympathetic. The Bangalore Queer Film Festival in just a few years has gone from nothing to over 70 films. Well-known directors, producers and writers came out as gay. But now the reversal of section 377 puts their futures in jeopardy. And what does it mean for those of us who are openly gay here but want to visit family in India?”

In some ways, despite the reinstatement of Section 377, Indian society seems to be more progressive than British Asian, because well-known personalities such as journalist Ashok Row Kavi, film director Sridhar Rangayan and novelist Vikram Seth have openly “come out” as gay and are role models for the GLBT community.

Abhi’s partner, Bobby Tiwana is a Punjabi Sikh and cultural activist who produces live performances based on the life stories of British Asian GLBTs he interviewed in 2012. Bobby was inspired by a group of educated middle-class gay men he met on a trip to Bangalore in 2011. All of these men had “come out” openly and enjoyed good relationship with their family members. Bobby wants to see such openness in British Asian society too.

“Sowing the seeds that ‘they exist’ in the media is so important,” he said when asked about how to acheive this goal. “It is important to create positive role models and lack of visibility is a real issue.”

When Bobby returned to the UK he began his Safar (journey) project, which he has since turned into a blog online. For the project he interviewed a number of gay and bisexual men and women to find out their life stories. He was astonished by the resilience of those he talked to and how they make their lives work. He was often surprised and had his own perceptions of people challenged.

“The single largest group who contacted me were gay Muslim women. I interviewed a couple of women living together in Coventry. One is a Sikh and the other a Muslim. Traditionally, these are two completely separate communities yet they are in a relationship together and living in same street as the Sikh’s family. Then I met a Bangladeshi Muslim woman wearing a hijab who talked of liking blond women! We see a veiled woman and imagine what she must be thinking, but this woman turned that thinking on its head.”

Bobby is an promoter of gay activism. It’s difficult not to be swept up by his enthusiasm for making homosexuality a more open subject in British Asian society.

“I believe it will reach critical mass sooner than later,” he says, talking of visibility for the GLBT community. In some ways, he admits, it comes too late. “After marching with a Pride group I’d organised in 2014 one gay man told me it was great and what a pity it didn’t happen 20 years ago. Now he has a daughter.”

Abhi admits he still finds it hard to talk about Bobby in discussions with his family despite having “come out” and able to talk about him freely with individual members.

“The problem with coming out is talking about sex,” he explained. “Openly discussing gay relationships is a problem because any talk of sex is taboo. Religion is not the issue, but the socio-cultural context is.”

For many then, openly talking about their sexual orientation with family is simply not an option. A popular way around both “coming out” and the pressure to marry is to have a fake “marriage of convenience” (MoC). A MoC usually occurs between a gay man and lesbian woman. They marry, live together and may even have children, but the marriage is a cover for their continued relationships with their true gay partners.

In Birmingham there is a popular Saathi night once a month specially for the British Asian GLBT community. MoCs are blatantly advertised on the website for the night and it’s not uncommon for a gay man dancing at the club to be approached by a lesbian woman and asked if he would like to begin a MoC with her. For some, MoCs are a lifeline to having any kind of happy, “normal” life; others, who are comfortable with their sexuality, react to such proposals with anger.

With a lack of positive role models for the community in Britain, it’s no real surprise there is such diversity of reaction. British Asian gays and bisexuals are almost suffocated by the wall of silence in Asian society. The only way out seems to be by playing down their Asian-ness and realigning themselves with white British gays. For some, turning their backs on their Asian culture is as painful as denying their sexual orientation. Without the kind of role models seen in India, they have little choice however.

That’s not to say there are not signs of hope. The popular British soap Eastenders featured a young British Muslim who was gay a few years ago, which at least raised awareness that such a thing was possible. More important has been the very real Asifa Lahore who has been widely publicized as “Britain’s first gay Asian drag queen.” The 31-year-old speaking to The Guardian last year revealed he receives hate mail and is trolled on social media, but continues to perform on stage to a growing audience and pursues a full-time career as a drag artist. As such he has become the most visible symbol of a new confidence among gay British Asians that they have found a voice and place, at last, in their communities.

If Bobby Tiwana is right, then the visibility of British Asian GLBTs reaching a tipping point. Bobby hopes that the various disparate groups working to this goal might come together under some umbrella organisation so that there is a sense of a coherence that is relevant to Asian society in Britain and provides role models empowering gays who are still very alone and afraid. For now though, breaking through the wall of silence and denial still seems a little way off. It’s not yet safe, it seems, to be rid of the almari altogether.