In 1996 my novel,
The Bride Wore Red was a Barnes & Noble
Discover Great New Writers selection. It portrays
a Punjabi family and the American women who marry
into it. My second, Fifty-Fifty, was published
this year at a press new to the publication of fiction,
Silicon Press in Summit,, NJ. Plans are under way
for the paperback, and the title story is in press
in Screaming Monkeys, a collection of Asian-American
writing to be published by Coffee House Press.
I am not Asian American. I was born and raised in
New Jersey to a family of mixed northern European-Americans,
about 1/32nd Native American. My first contact with
a different culture was my dancing teacher, Gladys
Kochesberger, who introduced me to French. I studied
French as a fourth-grader in a very limited after-school
program. In high school I began Russian, and I took
my interest in Russian and French language and literature
all the way to graduate school at the University of
California, Berkeley. That’s where I met my husband.
His language and culture—Punjabi—fascinated me. But
it’s a very different exercise to live with a culture
than to study it. One summer in the Soviet Union should
have taught me that.
Living as well as working with as diverse a collection
of individuals as I can stand—something I’m committed
to despite conflicts because of personal even more
than cultural differences—has given me a wealth of
stories I will never even begin to write. These stories,
from the plausible to the delusional, have convinced
me that in order to understand what life does to us,
we have to make up stories. My books came out of a
reaction to the changes that took place in me as I
was welcomed into a large Punjabi family very different
from my small, distant Anglo family.
I don’t know whether I’ve written out that series
of stories or not. A writer never knows what will
obsess her next, much less what will be ready for
agents and editors, what will be accepted and even
if accepted, when it will be available to readers.
I know this: at the moment I’ve exhausted my interest
in writing about a culture that reflects only part
of my experience, nor have I gotten much satisfaction
lately from reading stories and novels about India
and/or Non-Resident Indians. (Not that I’ve gotten
any more pleasure out of reading contemporary fiction
of any category. To be honest, I satisfy my urge for
narrative these days with Law and Order (all
three of them) and Buffy the Vampire Slayer.)
I’m not sure what it is. I don’t think it’s the quality
of the fiction. People keep recommending Manil Suri’s
The Death of Vishnu, but I can’t explain
why it could not keep my interest. And everyone loves
John Updike. But me. One of the few books I finished
last summer was Bharati Mukherjee’s Desirable
Daughters. But I didn’t love it. Shyam Selvadurai’s
Funny Boy I loved.
Perhaps I’ve written through what most immediately
obsessed me, and now I’m finally able to write about
what has fascinated me my whole life. I’ve always
thought of The Bride Wore Red as a satire
of Americans, not an Indian book. Fifty-Fifty
is one woman’s perspective on the American Dream.
It helps to have immigrant characters to tell that
story. And I just happened to have a cast of Punjabis
from which to improvise scenes and scenarios.
What interests me now, the culture I’m trying to understand
(which feels increasingly “other” to me as it obsesses
about dropping the “French” in fries) is the one that
stole African rhythms from an enslaved people and
their descendents and mixed them with European strings
and English words. That music is more inspiration
to me than literature these days.
One of my former students, a man my age, married to
a woman from Turkey, pointed out to me that one of
the problems with a cross-cultural marriage is the
lack of a common past—she does not know what it was
like hearing Procul Harem’s “A Whiter Shade of Pale”
for the first time with the counter-culture all around,
offering up comfort from the imminent draft; and he
will never fully understand what it was like to be
a young girl in Turkey during those same cold-war
years.
I will never know, except through my imagination,
what it was like eating Dusseri mangos in the heat
of the summer or eyeing the neighborhood girls in
their bright salwar kameezes in the streets of the
capital twenty years after independence.
I am not an Indian writer. I don’t know India. All
I know is what I see. I’m not sure I know America
either, even after the Civil Rights Movement, Vietnam,
Watergate, and both Gulf Wars. But by an accident
of birth, language, and circumstances, I will never
escape being an American writer. Like Bharati Mukherjee,
Chitra Divakaruni, Akhil Sharma, and Jhumpa Lahiri,
like many, many others, I only write what I see.
It’s the readers, the publishing industry and what
little media there is for writers in 2003 that label
us as one thing or the other—or “fifty-fifty,” a combination
of both. But in my observation, writers are not joiners.
Very few of us identify ourselves as one thing or
the other. Despite the loneliness of writing and a
contradictory commitment to tradition, culture, and
society, which sometimes comes across in our writing,
we’re at our best when we’re alone, reclusive, trying
to communicate in such an indirect way that it’s almost
a miracle when someone reads us and puts us into a
category. How does it feel to be writing South-Asian-American
literature at a time of such abundance of novels,
stories, and poetry either directly or indirectly
about India? It feels like writing anything about
anything at all. Lonely. And frustrating. And sometimes
even fun.