Gulab and Indru Watumull.
The year was 1945 and the British were still ruling an undivided India, when Indru Mukhi met Gulab Watumull at the Dialdas Club in Hyderabad, Sindh. Indru was just 13, still in pigtails and trying to get the hang of that maddening game called tennis. Gulab, who was a dashing 22-year-old and the club champion, offered to give her a few lessons. Recalls Indru ruefully of those early encounters, "Since then I've never been able to beat him at tennis!" Little did they know that eventually the pigtailed girl would grow into a woman and they'd be partners in a real live love match.
Then Partition happened and life changed completely. In the ensuing chaos, Indru and Gulab went their separate ways. Gulab migrated to Hawaii where his family had established a thriving import business since 1914. In fact, they were the first Indian family to set down roots there. Indru, meantime, was attending Elphinstone College in Bombay. Their paths crossed once again in Bombay after several years. When Gulab came to the city to visit family members in 1953, a meeting was arranged between the two and a quick engagement followed "I wasn't even allowed to go out with him till after we were engaged for two weeks and even then my sister had to always come along as a chaperone," recalls Indru. After the wedding, they had to cut the honeymoon short when a family tragedy occurred. Gulab's older brother, who headed the business in Hawaii, was killed in a plane crash in India and the couple accompanied the grieving widow and children back to Hawaii. Says Indru. "I had come to a new place with sudden responsibilities and that made me grow up almost overnight."
The Watumulls were the only Indians in Honolulu and for Indru it was a whole new world where she had to create a life for herself. She says, "It was the first time I had left India or my family. We don't go away to college in India so I always tease Gulab, 'You were my first roommate!' This year we complete 50 years of marriage. We've had a great life together. We've had four children and nine grandchildren and the good lord has been kind to us."
Indeed, in the past five decades, the Watumulls have become one of the premier families in Hawaii with business holdings in real estate tee shirt manufacturing and other areas. At the same time, they have embraced the larger community, becoming part of the cultural life of Honolulu through their philanthropy and activism on the boards of museums as well as funding of scholarships in India through the J. Watumull Foundation. Their community work, for which they've been honored by many mainstream organizations has brought them even closer together. "We do a fair amount of community work and I wish more Indians would get involved in their communities," says Indru. "Volunteerism has brought us great joy, especially my work with the art museum. You meet collectors and curators and people who have a passion for the arts. It's a whole new life."

Gulab and Indru Watumull on their wedding day.
Asked for the secrets of their happy marriage, Gulab says, "Marriage is give and take. I think we work very well together. We are together practically every evening. It's got to be fifty-fifty. You can't be getting your way hundred percent of the time."
Says Indru: "I think it's love and understanding. I always tell Gulab that if I am critical of you, it's because I'm your friend and that's why I'm telling you this. I think that's important, to be a friend. He accompanies me to all the museums and Broadway shows that I love. I go along to the tennis matches that are his passion. We are each other's best friend. We don't always share each other's interests, yet we give of ourselves."
She adds, "You want to do good things and pamper each other. Gulab is totally spoilt. I hand him his clothes, put away his shoes! He indulges me and I indulge him, almost like a favorite child."
Their diverse interests also keep the marriage young, as they travel together, interact with new people and learn new things. Says Indru, "It's like a merry-go-round!"
Having close bonds with the children also helps and Chitra, Jo-Jo, Jaidev and Vikram and their families are a solid support system. When Indru battled breast cancer in 1992, the family rallied around her and her son Vikram brought Race for the Cure to Hawaii, serving as a dedicated chairman for the organization for the past eight years. And of course, Gulab was by her side, almost like a shadow. Says Indru, "I always say marriage is a 24 hour job, you have to work at it. You have to keep treating each other as really special."

Returning to Where It All Began
What are the chances of finding someone from the same ancestral village in Rajasthan while eating dinner in a restaurant in frenetic New York, the city of nameless faces and people on the move? And that too in the 1970's when Indian immigration had barely started. Yet that miracle happened for Siddharth Dalal, a professor in statistics and mathematics at Rutgers University and Alka, who was studying for her master's degree in chemistry at New York University. They met on a blind date through a common friend at the Monks Inn Restaurant in Manhattan. They knew they were both from the same Jain community, but were amazed to discover that both of them traced their ancestral lineage to the village of Oshia 500 years ago.
That wonderful centuries old link brought them closer together. Recalls Alka, "What I was looking for, he had. Education, sincerity, honesty and he was hardworking and down-to-earth." They journeyed back to Bombay for their wedding and later settled in Bridgewater, NJ. Alka who had come on a scholarship, is passionate about learning - spending almost 17 years in college - 12 years fulltime and another five years part-time as she searched for the perfect career. She says, "I studied and studied and studied. I had a B.A. from India and got a second B.A here, along with two masters and did my PhD course work."

Alka and Siddharth Dalal.
Ask them about the success of their marriage and they both say it's all about give and take and supporting each other through good times and bad. Says Alka, "I had a lot of difficulty with my career, because I was over-qualified. When I went looking for a job, I always had a problem finding the right job and Siddharth always encouraged me to go to school. In fact, I changed my job at the age of 40 when I had two children. I was in food chemistry with General Foods at that time and changed to computer science and finally to business. I have working experience of more than 25 years and it takes courage to go back to school on a different path."
Siddharth says, "Alka started out as a nutritionist and then moved to the software area and is now a successful businesswoman. It was very critical at all those points that she had complete support from me."
When they met, Siddharth had been a professor, but his career arc also took him in different directions, as a research scientist at Bell Laboratories, a vice president at Telcordia Technology and now as a vice president at Xerox Corporation. He says, "The same thing has happened in my life. I'm evolving in my career and she's always supported me, even to the extent of cheerfully moving from New Jersey where we lived for 30 years to Rochester, NY, where my new job is based."
As Alka points out, "The most important thing in marriage is to give and take and to understand one another. It is a lot of compromise but the most important thing is we kept encouraging each other. We supported each other through bad times and you have to stick together. You have to really make an effort at your marriage; it doesn't succeed just through luck."
Another important factor is their dedication to their Jain faith. "It's better to know each other and one's value systems. We also taught religion to our children and to give them that strong value system, we practiced it ourselves. As Jains we observed on a daily basis how to incorporate religion in our lives. I do it by meditation and yoga every single day, and we practice our religion by looking at the positives rather than the negatives and thinking right." Their children, Nemil and Preeyel, named after Jain deities, are studying at Stanford and the University of Rochester respectively.

Alka and Siddharth Dalal on their wedding day.
Having myriad interests also keeps the marriage exciting; dependable friends make the going easier. Over the years they have built up a strong network of close friends who are a solid support system. Says Alka, "I'm very curious and I'm always looking for new challenges and so is my husband. We are full of energy and ready to take all the challenges life throws at us. I have decided I will never give up till I die! Attitude is very important and we are into a lot of different activities and have served on committees in various organizations."
Siddharth says, "Marriage has to be a mutual admiration society with a lot of mutual respect for each other. There has to be commonality of interest and it evolves over time, but it's really a critical issue. When things get tough you have to be able to hold on to each other. You should never take each other for granted. Life should be always full of surprises. I bring her flowers when she least expects them. We celebrate our 25th anniversary this year and are going back to our roots in Rajasthan on a pilgrimage to Jaiselmer, to the village of Oshia. We are going to be with our ancestors and see how we are a part of the marching of time. I think this is the most important thing from our perspective. We could go to all sorts of fancy places, but we want to be where it all began, in Oshia."

Stop That Talk
For Indu, a visit from Sudhir Jaiswal, the son of a family friend, turned into a marriage proposal. Their fathers had been childhood friends and when Sudhir was returning from the United States on his way home to Calcutta, he stopped over at Indu's home in Delhi. Sudhir had studied at Benares Hindu University and Indu was studying for her Masters in Nutrition at Lady Irwin College. Before you knew it, the fathers were on the phone and the two young people were engaged.
A huge wedding followed and within a month Indu got her green card and came to New York. This was her first trip abroad - and it was quite a washout: "I was looking forward to something rich and glamorous, having seen copies of Life magazine with pictures of the Eisenhowers and the Kennedys. I was quite disappointed when I came to New York. Life began in a studio apartment in Flushing. It was totally a shock coming from a very affluent business family, having to do all the work."

Indu and Sudhir Jaiswal.
After spending three years in Rego Park in Queens, the Jaiswals were off on the success route to a house in Garden City, Long Island. They have been married 30 years, but have gone through the ups and downs of life in America. After marriage Sudhir was pursuing his MBA and Indu was juggling a job and part-time college. Soon there was a pair of twins to add even more spice to their complicated lives. Says Indu, "This was the time Sudhir was doing his final year of the MBA so I had to do a lot of the work myself. We had no housekeepers or babysitters in those days. Help was not that easily available. When we came here there were hardly any Indians and we didn't know anybody."
Today Niten and Riten are strapping 26 year olds, but Indu recalls juggling work, PTA meetings and household chores. She was working weekends too as a dietician at Terrace Heights Hospital in Queens and Sudhir, who was a systems analyst at Nynex, would look after the twins while she went to work. It wasn't easy because with the twins everything came in doubles.
As new immigrants, the going was rough but as Indu points out, "You don't even think twice. You take your job seriously and you want to do your best and when you come home, you want to do the best for your kids. So you have a drive, a motivation that you're here and especially when you're by yourself and have no one to help you, you get the strength and energy to do your work and do it the right way. That's exactly what we did ."
Sudhir, who is currently a systems analyst with IBM, has a droll sense of humor. Asked his secret for 30 successful years of marriage, he says, "Just sleep through it! Well, the only way I know is to make sure you keep busy in your field and she is busy in hers. That way you don't interfere with each other. Indu is a politician and I'm a sportsperson."
Indu is a people's person and one of the things that added color to their lives is her connection with the community. In spite of a hectic working schedule she stays involved with the mainstream community through the Welcome Wagon Club in Garden City and the Indian community through the Long Island Association, becoming its president. Sudhir, who is a good tennis player, organized tennis tournaments for the children of the community and also co-founded the Cricket League in Long Island. Indu, who is now director of nutrition at the Promenade Rehab and Health Center, is involved with the American Dietetic Association as well as in American political life, fundraising for Long Island politicians.

Indu and Sudhir Jaiswal on their wedding day.
Going on diverging paths keeps things interesting for the Jaiswals, but the trick is to support each other in those different interests, be it getting a pitch for a cricket match or making a donation to a politician's fund. Says Indu: "You have to empower each other. If you don't support each other in your interests then it becomes your way and my way. Many times there are areas where you have to compromise. You have to trust each other and be very, very honest and open with each other. You can't do things secretly. The moment I come in I tell Sudhir everything that happened in the day. You have to be a true friend, that's what it is."
Asked if they participate in each other's interests, Sudhir says with a laugh, "Not exactly! The thing is we don't bother each other. Seriously though, you have to help each other, even if you don't have much interest in each other's passions. You can't be negative and you don't pull each other down. What more can I say? I don't have much to say, because I don't talk too much. That's one of the secrets of a happy marriage. Not to talk too much!"

The Dance of Life
From a couple who follow their own passions, we come to a couple who are tied together with an invisible cord and are together practically 24 hours a day - and have been so for the last 22 years! Meena and Anil Nerurkar of Philadelphia are both gynecologists, and not only share a married life together, but also a medical practice and a performance company. They are the dancing doctors of Pennsylvania, who have revitalized the Maharastrian folk dance of Lavani both here and in India. "Many of our patients cannot believe that we work together, and also have our show business in common," says Meena. "Actually a lot of people celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary, but I always say we should call it our 50 years celebration because not only do we live together, we work together and even in our leisure time we do show business together! We are always, always together."
The togetherness started in Bombay in the 70's where Meena was a resident at G.S. Medical College and Anil was a senior resident there. She laughs, "He was my teacher basically. I used to call him Sir!" The liking for each other grew and he proposed to her once she finished her term. Meena recalls, "Of course I was very scared. He didn't belong to my caste. We both are Maharashtrians but he's a Saraswat Brahmin and I'm a Chitpawan Brahmin. I knew my parents would object and they did. My parents are both doctors yet on this score they were very conservative. They thought this difference in our sub caste would become a big barrier. Even the food habits are different. Saraswat Brahmins are mainly fish eaters. Also the fact that we were both gynecologists, they felt would be a cause for tension and competition. When they objected, I became very stubborn and said, 'Oh, I'm going to marry him anyway!'"
After a month or two, the parents came around and threw the couple a big wedding in 1974. Within a year they moved first to England and then to Mount Holly in New Jersey where Anil worked at the Hahneman Hospital and Meena began her residency at Albert Einstein Hospital in Philadelphia. In 1982, they set up their combined medical practice and became partners both at home and work. They also have two children, Aditi, a medical student, and Tejas who just graduated from the University of Pennsylvania and is planning a career on Wall Street.

The dancing doctors of Philadelphia Meena and Anil Nerurkar.
As if having children and a medical practice together was not enough, soon their past-times also began to converge. Meena had always been interested in cultural activities, performing in shows even during school and college. While she danced at local cultural events, Anil would always be a devoted member of the audience, but in 1990 they decided to form their own performing company, Kala Bhavan.
Anil now has multiple new roles, stage manager, marketing man and often, a performer too. Kala Bhavan has been very successful, producing many shows in the United States and even taking the troupe on the road to India where they held over 100 performances in Maharashtra. "Meena rejuvenated the Lavani dance form in India, bringing it to a very different audience, the upper middle class people who didn't usually watch this mujra or nautanki form of dance," says Anil.
Their cultural activities brought them in touch with the top people in show business and politics in Maharashtra and Meena received the Adi Shakti award from Lata Mangeshkar. The couple also received an award from the World Marathi Academy for the propagation of Maharashtrian culture abroad. In fact, funds from the concerts go to help needy causes in India through the Maharashtra Foundation. They've had a lot of satisfaction from these activities which are so different from their day jobs. "In the beginning I wasn't at all interested in all these cultural activities," admits Anil. "I just decided to help her because we have to work together to achieve something. Now of course I enjoy it tremendously."
Can all this togetherness smother a marriage? Meena admits that it can become a disadvantage. "You need some time for yourself, but we are always, always stuck together, no matter what we do! I don't think that's very healthy for marriage. We get on each other's nerves all the time! In everything, we know what the other one is thinking whether it's a medical decision or home. The flip side is that it really, really becomes a big boon because we can help each other a lot. I was wearing so many different hats, as a mother, doctor, show business person. In everything he helped me."
Indeed, whenever one of their children was unwell, Meena could stay home because Anil could cover for her in the practice. Even now when she has to be out for her rehearsals or performances, he can attend to her patients too without missing a beat. As an artiste, she is totally freed from business decisions, because as production manager, Anil handles all the backstage nuts and bolts decisions, handling musicians and organizing concerts here and in India.

Meena and Anil Nerurkar on their wedding day.
Anil says, "We've been in the practice together for 22 years, but we decided that we would not bring any office problems home and would solve them at work only. We never discuss patients or work at home. Doing the shows together gives us a lot to discuss at home and I also learnt many new things like sound engineering to help behind stage."
Meena adds, "I don't think we always get along, we have our fireworks too! Yet as far as helping is concerned, he can definitely count on me and I can count on him. Some wives don't trust their husbands, because they don't know where he is. We never have that guesswork!"
If they had stayed on in India, says Meena, the caste difference might have become an issue, but in fast pace, multicultural America they have never had to give it a thought. The professional rivalry that her mother feared also did not materialize, because rather than drifting apart, they have come closer due to their common medical practice and their performance company.
The couple that dances together certainly stays together and they are currently working on a Marathi adaptation of Sound of Music. Their next big performance together will be in July at the Madison Square Garden in New York where 6,000 people are expected for the Maharashtra Convention.
So there you have it folks, right from the mouths of real life people. Love is not performing amorous acrobats in pouring rain with a 40-piece orchestra a la Bollywood; Love is living a real life together, with all the heartbreaks and hassles. It is mutual admiration, deep friendship, common aspirations and always, compromise, compromise, compromise. In all these marriages, a mutual liking and attraction was nurtured and over the years this grew and blossomed into a strong love and a deep friendship.
As these love stories show, the years simply melt away when your only mandate is to make your partner happy. As Gulab, 79, and Indru, 70, prepare for their golden wedding anniversary in April, their exuberance itself is an important ingredient in their 50-year union. Each day is new, fresh, with challenges to meet and joys to taste. Hundreds of their friends and family are converging on Honolulu for a three-day celebration. Says Indru Watumull, who is still a pigtailed 13-year-old at heart: "It's going to be a big, happy tamasha!" And that's what all marriages should be.